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Presidential (S)election

(On June 1st this blog turned two years old and adding the two years time I wrote on an older blog elsewhere that makes it a total four years of blogging. So instead of the usual anniversary post I decided to ask four of my favorite bloggers to contribute a guest post here. Happily, they all accepted immediately. So here is the second guest post. The rest will follow roughly in the chronological order in which I came to know them. Each guest blogger will directly respond to your comments to their respective posts.

Australopithecus has been blogging for about three years now and spreading cheer and laughter throughout that time. What I love about his writing is his sharp wit and the keen insights he offers behind what can often seem to be harmless humor. Sarcasm and irony mixed with humor are not easy bedfellows to manage but he makes it all look so easy.)

I get an email from Anil. He wanted me to have a guest post on his blog. More like a pest post I thought. Anyway since it was his blog and therefore his funeral, I asked “What flowers should I send? “

All right. Blogging and all is fine when it’s your own space to abuse. The moment someone else lends you his space to (ab)use…(are you regretting this already Anil?) that’s when you’ve got to think. What does one write about? Anyway since you idiots err… I meant you fine readers are stuck with me…I might as well dish out my usual drivel.

The presidential elections seem to have captured everyone’s imagination. Well at least the alleged imagination of all the chaps down at the mere 141542 X 10234 ****odd news channels that seem to occupy the airways. Before the major parties announced their nominees all these chaps were obsessing over it…like those kids that write the JEE. It’s not half as important. It seems an easy job. All one seems to have to do is to stay awake during the most boring occasions, apply a deft rubber stamp here and there as and when ‘Madamji’ instructs you to…Oh! Wait! Am I getting confused with the office of the Prime Minister? Anyway. One gives out awards to those whom you are told to give out awards…is it just me or does this job sound more like an office peon. The only difference is instead of awards peon hands out salary cheques instead of awards. In fact the peon doesn’t even have to be awake during important functions.

Oh and when there is competition and elections can mudslinging be far behind? Let us take a quick look at the hopefuls. (For the hopeless, please look up Wikipedia for condition of the Indian people)

One of the candidates that seem to have emerged is Ms Pratibha Qatil.

She is a seasoned politician…seasoned with what you ask? Aah the eternal gourmet…with a little tarragon if you must know. But as usual..I digress.
She has unusual hobbies such as table tennis, winning elections, collecting educational qualifications, making communally sensitive statements and speaking to dead people and I’m sure the media chaps will let us know shortly what else she does.

Bhaira Sing Shekhalot: At eighty-four, one of the youngster’s of the BJP. He alas is not as much of an all rounder as the previous candidate, having very few interesting hobbies among which he lists: not speaking to the dead, standing with one foot in the grave and the other on a roller skate and saying “hain?” whenever anyone says anything. He also idolises Beethoven.

Dr APJA Kalam (Kalam as in pen): Spends his time reading, writing and telling children to repeat things after him. He is the real dark horse of this election. Not because he comes from Tamil Nadu…that would be racist. That is because people have devastated the entire valley of flowers plucking each and playing the “will he-won’t he” game with them, much to the chagrin of the Biodiversity chaps and the idiots at Green Peace that keep shouting stuff in your ear. No one knows if he will contest these elections. The alleged Third Front led by our very own Babu has proposed his name. But one must remember Babus party also proposed many schemes that sounded more like practical jokes on the people, like Rs. 2 rice and Prohibition. We would all like President Kalam to tell us once and for all…will he? We even promise to repeat after him.

Chalo bhayion aur aapki behnon. Aaiye khele Kaun Banega Rashtrapati.

*** = Those who were awake in maths class will be aware that this number is even.

© Australopithecus

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